She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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