only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
