You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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