Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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