Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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