She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
