Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
