I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
