I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
