its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
