he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
