I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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