Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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