I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
