Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
