My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Where is the hickey?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
