Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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