I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
