i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
