Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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