I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
