Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize