she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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