I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
