this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
