I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
