are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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