I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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