She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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