Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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