Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
