took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
