Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
