I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My vagina just recognized that song.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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