3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
