I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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