You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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