Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
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She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
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I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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