I looked at my own cervix.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
