At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
