is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
