You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
