last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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