I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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