Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
