My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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