dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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