Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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