A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
