I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
