I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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