So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
from now on my penis is your penis
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize