genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
