I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
