i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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