at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize