Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Someone shattered a urinal.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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