Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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