I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
