Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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