You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
