dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm too high and old for this...
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
