i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
