Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
