One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
