I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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