no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
