My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
