haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
