I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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