I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
